Uggg, what a mess. Such a mess, in fact, that it took us a month to compile this year’s wall of shame, and we’ll be raising the cart deposit cost for 2012. Cart-abandoning teams, we declare shenanigans upon you! And in so doing, you now have a place on the 2011 CHIditarod Wall of Shame.
#64 – The Deloreans
2010’s Goonies returned in 2011 as The Deloreans. They rocked in every way possible, except one… They held a Save the Clocktower campaign (raising funds for charity), bribed with custom-printed Calvin Kleins, and gave an artsy Showcase performance. However, we found their cart, broken into large chunks, littered throughout the finish line grounds. The destruction was catestrophic and total. They called a while later to explain – quite a story. Fantastic, upsetting, and graphic. Tragically, the Flux Capacitor was never recovered.
Deloreans, circa CHIditarod VI.
Deloreans, circa 1985.
#99 – Dead Presidents
The dead presidents were hoping to leave their mark in history. Instead, henceforth, their actions shall echo in infamy into eternity. The economy is in shambles. Our foreign policy is irresponsible. Education is one of the worst when compared against other developed nations. Our health care is grossly unjust. Unemployment is soaring. All thanks to their doing. Need we say more? Yes, yes we do.
After participating in CHIditarod VI, seemingly for a good cause the dead presidents seemed to be vying for the chance to redeem themselves. We the people gave them the chance to correct the errors of their ways. Instead they came and spilled their guts, and by guts we mean left us to clean up their mess up once again. The truth is they swayed us with false pretenses of things that could be. They raised our hopes for a brighter future for our children. All they left us with was broken hearts, the american nightmare and an abandoned shopping cart. Fool us once, shame on you. Fool us twice, shame on me.
Nevermore will we vote for the wrong guy… nevermore.
#102 – Accidental Inception: The Quest for Contraception
#107 – Peace Be Da Journey
White people appropriating black culture, very poorly: At least if you’re gonna do this guys, take some real lessons and figure out what to do with a cart.
#168 – Goldman Sacks
Embodying evil on a small scale, this team doesn’t seem to have the financial resources to cause a recession. They DO, however, have it in their power to enact evil on a small level by neglecting to clean up their own mess. Bravo, team. The real life financial mess is way too complicated to understand, and so these genius situationist artists, in demonstrating their commitment to caring about community and personal accountability, they’ve given us a great way to understand the larger picture. Well done. We get it. You’ve screwed us over and you don’t care.
#185 – The Thundergnomes
Oh Thundergnomes. Some gnomes really add to a garden, adding a bit of kitsch and little fun filled whimsy. Yet sometimes, they’re just tacky. Speaking of tacky, let’s talk about your cart. There are so many things wrong with seeing it thrown in a garbage bin. Carts don’t belong in the garbage; they’re not Gnomeo and Juliet DVD’s. And I know the pointed hats give an air of class, but drinking Busch and not recycling the box that trash is wrapped in is not the earth conscious way of the Gnome people. Those hats need to be earned with a green thumb, not by thumbing your nose at the rules of a charity event.
Gnomes used to be synonymous with good times and good gardens, but what are you doing to your own society? You do, however, make a solid argument for plastic pink flamingos.
#188 – Alpha Beta
Alpha Beta brings true dedication to a theme. Coming to the race dressed as douchebags, they committed heavily to their aesthetic even after the race by ditching their carts. What an incredible display of douchebaggery!