May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
— Maybe said by George Carlin once.
The sweet and sour truth that sabotage is a long standing tradition of the CHIditarod. Often attempted, seldom nuanced. A minute to learn, a lifetime to master. Sabotage is an often-controversial aspect of the event within the teams. It keeps the race… interesting.
The veracity of the claim that, in each subsequent year, the CHIditarod happily gains popularity and welcomes a controlled amount of newcomers. A result of this growth is that more unsuspecting folks become potential `easy targets` for saboteurs.
The width and breadth of our social theorizing! Are new comers easier targets? Does racing experience increase your likelihood of acting as a saboteur? Does your age or gender predispose you to nefarious deeds? We have no idea!
That the CHIditarod organizers did yet again send out a post-race survey to all participants in the 2014 CHIditarod. Lo, they developed a report based on this analysis. They have done science!
The full 2014 CHIditarod Sabotage Report is HERE!
(Click here to download in PDF)
What truths has this science rendered before us?
The 2014 Sabotage Profile
Here’s a description of all the different kinds of shenanigans you told us you got up to:
- Cart bondage – Zip-tying carts together, duct taping carts to telephone poles, u-locking carts together, and other sort of physical restraints.
- Manipulation of a cart’s orientation in the fabric of space-time – Cart hiding, cart stashing, cart tipping, cart hanging-from-the-tracks-of-the-Blue-Line, etc.
- Theft of cart components or of props essential to costume design and/or character development – Theft of artistic components, like decorations and art pieces, or technical components, like ropes and steering mechanisms, from carts.
- Ironic food-based sabotage – Despite the fact that this is a food drive, someone has decided that the peanut butter, molasses, whipped cream, shaving cream, or other viscous fluids in their possession were better situated on your cart or your person instead of in their original containers. FYI – food-based sabotage is totes against the rules. Because obviously.
- Creative/happy sabotage – Someone has surreptitiously applied glitter, stickers, and My Little Ponies to your cart. Shenanigans.
- Disabling wheels – Applying obscene amounts of duct tape, metal brackets, screws and nails, or any other nefarious hardware product to shopping cart wheels for the purposes of hindering their movement and making the cart a real pain in the butt to drag along. Great Stuff foam and liquid adhesive also counts.
- Psy ops – This is creative sabotage that is intended to trick other teams into thinking that it is to their advantage to violate the rules of the race and/or sending people on wild goose chases. This includes switching around street signs, handing out fake “skip a checkpoint” coupons, etc.
- Barrier methods – Physically blocking carts with your physical body, your teammate’s body, or your cart. Cart ramming and cart jousting are included in this category as well.
- The embiggening of cart mass – Placing cinder blocks, concrete, bricks, your teammate, small children, or other significant weights into the cart of your enemies and/or tying them to said cart.
Major Conclusions from the 2014 Sabotage Report
- CHIditarod racers are diverse in terms of age and gender. We’re happy about this. We hope that people of all ilks and backgrounds continue to come out to play with us.
- The majority of racers every year continue to be first time racers.
- Neither race experience nor gender seem to have an effect on whether or not you dish out sabotage or fall victim to sabotage.
- Younger racers are more likely to be saboteurs.
- Y’all all love giving the judges free beers. This works to your advantage.
Increase your sabotage Kung Fu by reading past Sabotage Reports!